


A Quiet Inner War

by JacksonVelour



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Drabble, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24921571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacksonVelour/pseuds/JacksonVelour
Summary: Within his mind, Kylo tries to destroy Ben Solo, but Ben retaliates.A short character study.
Kudos: 1





	A Quiet Inner War

‘Uh oh, TIE fighters on our rear. Get ‘em, Chewie!’ The pilot cried.  
The wookiee growled a reply in the affirmative.  
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this!’ The pilot said.  
‘What are you two doing in here?’ Han Solo said, resting against the doorway to the cockpit.  
The pilot turned and peered around the chair revealing his small head framed with messy dark hair, ‘Chewie’s teaching me to be a pilot, Dad.’  
‘Oh, I see, trying to compete with your old man, huh?’  
‘Yeah, I’m gonna be the best pilot ever.’  
‘I believe it, but now, Mr.Best-Pilot-Ever, it’s time for bed.’ Han said, picking up the small boy.

‘Get out!’ Kylo screamed out loud, he hadn’t meant to, he had been deep in meditation when the memory had arisen. It wasn’t his memory, it was Ben’s. He was haunted by them, he tried to destroy them, but it was as if his anger only made them return more often and more painfully. The way of the Sith was to harness anger, hatred, and fear, if done correctly it could lead to untold power. He had hoped one day that he would attain such power and obliterate all traces of Ben Solo forever. But after killing his father he had felt even more fractured. The clarity Snoke had promised him had been a lie. ‘What else can I take from Ben? Have I not overpowered him enough?’  
His thoughts turned to his mother next, Leia Organa, he contemplated making her his next target when once again Ben forced another memory upon him.

‘Try to move the blocks with your mind, sweetie, just reach out. You can do it.’ Leia encouraged her son.   
They sat together at the dining table, it was early morning, before school, the gentle light gave this memory a dream-like quality. Ben had been about seven when his Force abilities first presented themselves, this was considered quite late and it had been a source of anxiety for him. Though she never expressed disappointment, Ben could sense it in his mother regardless. Then one day things changed, there was a card game they played from time to time, in which his mother would hold a card up with the back towards him and he would have to guess what was on it. He only ever guessed correctly on rare occasions by pure chance, but now he could get it right every single time, he wasn’t sure how he did it, it was automatic. Leia had decided to graduate him to a more complicated task, moving objects with the Force, she laid out a set of old wooden building blocks that he was too old to play with anymore.  
Ben really was trying his hardest, his mother had never spent so much time with him as far as he could remember and he didn’t want that to stop. He enjoyed basking in his parent’s excitement and approval. But now he was panicking, what if it had been a fluke? What if he wasn’t a Force user at all? He stared and stared at the blocks with all the intensity he could muster but when they wouldn’t budge, Ben started to cry.  
‘What’s wrong?’ Leia held her son.  
‘What if I’m never a Jedi?’ He sobbed into her shoulder.  
‘Oh it doesn’t matter, there’s more to life than waving a lightsaber around. I will love you no matter what you become.’

Kylo began pacing his quarters, the steel in the walls creaked as he pushed against them with the Force. ‘She never could never see that her son had become someone else entirely, none of them could, she still holds onto the dream of your return someday. If only she realised she created me. Both of them did. Leia and Han, big damn galactic heroes, they had more important things to do than raise a child. Ben, I know you were lonely, then you became afraid, and that grew into anger. But you didn’t know what to do with that anger, did you? You pushed it down, so deep down that I emerged from the darkness. I became what you never could. You made me, why do you fight me?’ This time, Ben remained silent.

Kylo thought back to his earliest memories, he often wondered when he emerged as a separate consciousness, there had been two of them sharing this body once, but Ben was weak, Kylo was ruthless, there had been little resistance when he took over. Uncle Luke had sensed the presence of Kylo within Ben almost from the beginning, he seemed to be the only one that did, and so when Ben awoke one night to see Luke standing over his bed with his lightsaber ignited, it was Kylo that retaliated. His first night in full control had felt amazing, beyond description. He was rage personified, and much like the fires sweeping through the Jedi temple, the more they destroyed, the more powerful they became. It was not long after that however, that Ben had returned, and with him, doubt and regret, but he was not strong enough to overpower Kylo. Instead Kylo had to endure the constant nagging presence of the old identity in the back of his mind, the only way to silence Ben was to embrace his rage, to cause more pain and suffering, but it would never last, it was maddening. Serving Snoke gave him plenty of opportunities to express his anger, but it was never enough.

And yet there was the girl, Rey. She had caused something to change in them recently, she seemed to unite Ben and Kylo, they both felt drawn to her. She made them wonder if there was another path, neither dark nor light. Within her they sensed both, within her there was a war much like their own. They had to find her, to bring her to their side, she could bring order to the chaos in their mind and together they could bring a new order to the galaxy.


End file.
